


General, I... (ENG)

by Andzia267



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Poetry, Crack, Crylo Ren, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friendship, Humor, Humour, M/M, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Parody, Poor Hux, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Romance, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, fluffy i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 05:53:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13404834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andzia267/pseuds/Andzia267
Summary: Five times Kylo embarassed General Hux. After few months since The Force connected Rey and Kylo, she couldn't stand to look at the tension. So she decided to get Hux and Kylo together. (English translation of my Polish fanfiction "Generale, ja...")





	General, I... (ENG)

 [Polish Version of this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13365975)

* * *

Kylo brushed his hair in front of a golden mirror, made exactly for the supreme leader, he has been for few months now.

Suddenly he stopped and turned back in anticipation.

"The force is still connecting us Ben.", said Rey.

She was far away, but still so close right before his eyes.

"I know", he answered.

Then he turned right back to the mirror, to brush his hair again.

Being used to the connections, they often moved on with whatever they were doing, while managing some mean comments, or simply talked.

Kylo stopped finally, and looked at himself one last time.

"Your hair is tangled in the back of your head, sweetie."

"It's not tangled, it's curly, I have them after my grandfather!",

He said proud of himself "Your ugly, straight hair shows that we aren't related after all."

"Stop it Ben, you try to call me a nobody again"said Rey." tell me how it goes"

"I don't know what you are talking about" answered Kylo, while slamming bathroom door loudly.

"If you keep slamming doors wherever you hear about your failure, you won't succeed, you know?"

"It was late, and I was broken-hearted, and had no idea what I'm talking about. Just forget it" he said, while putting his skin gloves on.

"I can't handle to look at it no more, so bear with me. Don't throw money away buying golden mirrors. Stop with destroying his ship over and over, you know it annoys him."

"He's stupid, he deserves to be annoyed. Besides, have you seen how he sleaks his hair? I can't hang out with a person who has such a terrible hair!"

"So mine aren't that bad after all?" Asked Rey laughing.

"You better tell me, how on earth are you giving me advices when you have no one yourself? Hmm?"

"My best friend either flirts with his boyfriend, sits on his lap, and vice versa, or tells me about him and their son. I know BB-8 longer than he does! I know more than I want to"

"So why are you helping the murderous snake?"

"Because every time i have to look at you, you are either sitting in a corner crying, or destroying your to be boyfriend's ship crying, or you listen to those..." Rey had no chance to finish, since Kylo started to yell her put of the way.

"No one tells you to listen to me! If you don't want to, then just leave!"

"I wish i could." Said Rey "Just go to him, and tell him what you feel, it's the only way. Bulling him won't solve it, you are not in the kindergarden honey." Then the force started to pull them apart "finally!" Exclaimed Rey relieved.

"Ugly nothing!" Yelled Kylo after her.

* * *

Kylo sat on a throne which remained Snoke's for a long time up until now.

He called Hux in, so he will get here any second.

He heard boots firm against the floor, coming closer every second. Straightening his back, Kylo sat properly. He also put his leg onto the other one, just to be graceful enough.

"Supreme leader", said Hux with subtle disgust "you wanted to see me"

"Good, general I..." his nerves got the best of him, and he was unable to get anything to say. His head kept giving him whole new ways of confessing.

Hux furrowed his brows, being impatient as he is. Silently, by the movement of his head, he asked about the cause of their meeting.

"Hurry up, Ren. Real chores awaits me!"

_What was Rey thinking? He doesn't respect me. How am i supposed to tell him something if he won't let me? Even with me being the supreme leader, he is still as salty as ever, and answers with pretence._

Kylo got up from his throne and walked over to Hux, who was more and more irritated after every passing second.

And he didn't bother to hide the feeling of fury growing in him.

When Kylo reached him, he furrowed his brows even more.

Just few inches more, and they collide.

"Careful Ren, is something wrong with you?" Asked Hux with even more pretence painting his voice.

He could no longer sound like a sneak straight from elementary school, who nobody liked. Kylo was the leader now. It was oddly satisfying when he thought about it.

"I hate sand" Said Kylo calling his grandfather to help him in this rough situation.

Hux blinked holding his eyes closed more than anticipated.

"It's coarse, rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere." Kylo said in passion. But when he looked down on Hux, who looked worried, disgruntled and completely done, Kylo felt anxious.

Is it possible that his own grandfather, the mighty Darth Vader, could try to ruin his love life?

"I mean" Tried Kylo "That you are like sand you know. Like you don't get everywhere, where you should. In me you see, I mean... It's not like I hate you!

Then Rey showed up and done the "ohhhh" just like annoying friends do.

Kylo looked at her pleading.

"Tell him you give him a free day at work" said Rey boldly laughing "Finn I'm not talking to you!" She yelled turning back from him.

Ren promised himself that if it doesn't work, he will go straight to the rebel base and murder her.

He turned back at Hux.

"General Hux, by saying all these, I wanted to give you a free day of work, you worked for it."

"You went insane!" Yelled Hux "You will get it back! You know how much work I have, don't you?"

"Get it back!" Said Rey

"Hux you can do everything you wish for the whole day. Even if it means working."

Kylo focused on Rey giving him two thumbs up.

He could have killed her, when Snoke asked him to.

Hux went down with the chance of escaping.

"What have you done?" Whined Kylo, his Skywalker blood showing " Now he hates me even more!"

"Men are idiots. You must be kind first, or you both will be stuck in an everlasting loop of tragic events and mutual hatred. Finn and Poe constantly remind each other how much they are in love and how perfect they are. What have you told him before I came?"

"I compared him to sand, but in a good way!"

Rey tried not to show how bad the situation is. She acted like Kylo still had any chance with Hux now.

"Never do it again. Everything your grandpa tells you don't work in real life. Think about your behaviour towards him, and what you can change in yourself."

"Do you think he hates me, because I tried to choke him to death, and I threw him into a wall on the same day?"

"You have done what?! Don't throw him! Just don't touch him. Be gentle and gallant."

Kylo nodded, looking like a hurt puppy.

"I think I am justified for doing so. I was furious after SOMEONE left me after my mighty offer and escaped with a broken lightsaber that BELONGED TO ME."

"You helped me to destroy it."

* * *

"General Hux" said Kylo with everlasting hope, upon meeting Hux on the bridge.

General just walked faster, far away, just to be past Kylo. He looked irritated but it wasn't unusual.

"General" called Kylo "Your dark circled eyes are imitating, but you should think about my offer and rest."

Why no one wanted his offers?

Hux turned around. He softened his features, rapidly furrowing them back.

"I already have. You know my answer."

"I insist."

Their eyes were locked, hard and demanding. Angry tension grew between them, until Hux pulled away. He walked away, harassing Kylo's pride.

So he stopped him using force.

Rey appeared instantly outraged.

"Let him go!"

It was hard, but he managed.

Hux spit out with distant and went away as fast as he could manage.

"You look nice!" Called Kylo after him, but the only answer was a loud clasp of Rey's hand against her forehead.

Kylo pulled out his lightsaber and with pure rage vandalized his surroundings.

Every wroker silnetly walked away.

"Calm down Ben" said Rey "You are a true pain, so I understand him!"

So he cried, fat tears streaming down his cheeks. They made holes in his make-up.

"Listen" Rey ignored his tears "tell him exactly what you like in him. I don't know, be romantic and just tell him what you feel. It's the only way you can know. Remember that life is brutal, and of he says no, it means no, and you have to accept that and leave him.

Kylo bit his lip. What was so sexy in Hux, without counting their mutual desire to murder.

* * *

When Hux saw Kylo Ren on the bridge, immediately rolled his eyes.

But he could have never expected ukulele, and kneeling down before him. All in the centre of attention.

Kylo looked him in the eye, with loving, but weak smile.

When he started to play the ukulele, still wearing skin gloves, everyone just closed their eyes in agony. Even with blood streaming down their ears, they had to, and wanted to stay.

But results doesn't matter if you tried and had fun, right?  
Then he opened his mouth and it was worse.

"General Hux, you have really pretty red hair. You are really loud and really and really not meek and lowly in heart. Your petite body looks really hot in a double sized coat. And your ginger cat is really cute, but if he doesn't stop empting in my sand box for helmets, he will regret."

Hux hearing a thread against his cat got out of his shock, and almost ran to Kylo.

He tried to cover his scum mouth, but failed badly. He tried to at least kick him hard enough to knock him out.

Employees whispers grew louder., and bolder.

"Don't be shy Armie!" Yelled Kylo Ren-walking sunshine "I am the supreme leader now, we can do whatever we want!"

"Do something with others, Hux is too shy to tell you like that!" Said Rey

He made everyone fall asleep right on the cold floor.

Hux ran away using the chance, life so kindly offered to him.

* * *

After Hux ran away like that, the supreme leader sit on his throne doing nothing.

At the moment he listened to the music, so passionately hated by Rey. They were talking. From hair products, to Luke's 'brilliant' training methods, and finally to dishing Finn.

Until Hux came himself, after avoiding Ren for weeks.

Kylo looked at him, feeling every possible pain and sorrow.

"Ben, tell him exactly what you feel. Maybe he won't understand otherwise..." said Rey " You are both unexpectedly dumb." She whispered.

Kylo stormed out of his throne and kneeled down before Hux.

"Get up!" Yelled Rey.

Kylo obediently got up from the floor, but still managed to look grumpy.

"General Hux, you..." but he stopped. His nerves standing in the way. If Hux only figured this out himself. He wouldn't have to confess like that.

"C'mon! Hurry up!" Rey turned into a cheerleader.

She was kinda cool for an ugly nothing.

"Ren lately you are quite strange..." started Hux with worry.

"Shut up Hux. I have something important to say!" Whelped Kylo " And you get in my way. I like you, okay!" He finished aggressively. Looking softly on the floor himself. "Answer me right here, right now, and I shall stop bulling you."

They locked eyes, once again eager. Hazel cold and murderous. Grass hard and thinking.

"If I say no, you are going to choke me death, aren't you?"

"C'mon Hux I choked you once in my life, and you make it seem serious!"

Then the force disconnected Rey and Kylo.

Rey was more angry each time, that the force did it in such moments.

But she turned and saw Finn and Poe, looking so lovely.

Finn was on Poe's lap. They talked with the resistance like if it was common work behaviour.

Here its all sweet lovely and skillful.

And there they probably already killed each other.

* * *

When Rey connected to Kylo again, she saw two situates lying in the bed.

She shut her eyes screaming, and covering her eyes. Her throat sore with pure terror.

But she heard no moaning and all this nasty stuff. Only apassive agressive cough.

She opened her eyes to see that they were innocently lying there and cuddling.

Those two were just as sappy as these, but resistance's couple murdered less.

"That escalated quickly" she said, crossing her arms. " My mission is complete. Remember that by our another meeting, i will drag your taken ass straight to General Organa, and you will apologize to her. And introduce your fiancé." She said "And you will give me your shampoo." She added looking away.

"Thanks Rey" whispered Kylo.

"What?!" Asked Hux


End file.
